The blog with no name

There seems to be so much pain and release happening right now.

Death and re-birth.

I have realised I did not cope with all the moving as well as I thought I had... on the outside all seems fine - I'm tired and stiff but that is to be expected - yet on the inside I have realised I am a mess...

How did I discover that... when I saw myself last night eat a big dinner - I was full and a little uncomfortable - and then I went back and finished off the leftovers in the saucepan which would have been another full serve. I was so full I wanted to throw up - but i've tried that and it doesn't work for me.

I have gained 4 kilo's in the last 4 weeks - I's pretty clear I have been eating this way for a while and not been conscious of it. The Dr calls it an eating disorder...who knows.

Food is my way to hide the pain, to keep it away so I don't have to deal with it and face it.

Today is facing day. Today I will feel and then I will have my eating under control again.

Depression is not present for me - the dark clouds are not in sight - though right now I realise that if I do not deal with the pain they will race across the horizon toward me real quick.

That's empowering to realise

Wow, the perfume of gardenias just came through my open window at this very moment - how delightful. What a powerful reminder to breathe, be grateful and a precious confirmation that all is well.

Today I will care for me, a day of self nurturing and self spoiling because I deserve it and because it is okay for me to have a day for me, to feel, to cry, to laugh and to get messy.

And I am going to ask the Angels for a miracle and find us some accomodation in Nelson bay area for the easter weekend and kennels to board our dogs for 4 days so we can have a weekend away and some time for us.

Blessings to all and may peace rain softly on you today.

Karen