Today has been a tough day.
It is 24 days until our house is sold and we have to move out and we have not found a new home yet.
We looked at a place today that meets all our criteria but this evening as we are talking about how we would set it up we are arguing... we have never argued about a house before - never!
This one is definately not the right one.
One of my Course review lessons today is "I could see peace instead of this." I am struggling right now with that.
I am feeling like I am settling and surrendering all my visions and dreams.
I want to establish a centre where people come and learn and grow and feel loved.
We were looking for offices in Newcastle but I was talked out of that for now - I can see the sense in it... but...
So then we were looking for a little office space for me in Tea Gardens - bloody nothing here - a few empty shops which have cheap rent but are still a bit too expensive for our budget at this point in time. SO we have been looking for a home with a space for me to have my office there.
I need an office which is mine - my space to work and create and dream - a place to go to work every day and then come 'home' at the end of it and share it with my Beloved.
Tonight Beloved says "I need an office too - I'll share with you."
When I said I hadn't envisaged that, she asked why we couldn't share an office...
I don't really know why not - I can't come up with any solid practical arguement why we couldn't... except I don't want to.
I need a space for me - just mine - it has been so long since I have had that. I don't want to be apart from Beloved - I just need a little space for me.
I have just realised I am feeling really unheard. Like nothing I have said about my vision and dreams for where my business will go and how I plan to grow it and develop it have even been heard. I feel like I am disappearing.
Beloved is so defensive tonight that she probably feels the same way... we are both coming from a place of fear - fear of not getting what we want.
It is a difficult time with so much change and uncertainty - I don't do change all that well and especially don't do uncertainty about my home well - very sensitive home loving Cancerian that I am!
Ah well, we shall get through, tomorrow will be a brighter day and our home is coming to us - please Angels - bring it to us before the end of the week. I don't think I can take much more not knowing.
Here ends the grizzle, thanks for listening.
ACIM, Lesson 57 #5... "My mind is part of God's. I am very holy."
Tuesday, February 27
Monday, February 26
A New World
Wow... simply wow...
I knew I was disconnected from my feelings for most of my life, and I knew I was sensitive and wow...
I feel..... constantly..... i feel.
I can no longer watch the news or television programs that I once loved because the violence and anger in them doesn't just upset me it devastates me.
My MIL was telling me yesterday about how they are dealing with the rabbit problem in the retirement village where they live (I love bunny rabbits!) and I almost threw up.
I am being reminded every time I go out of the house to Angelic Light myself because I am picking up on so much stuff.
I always have picked it up - I was just so disconnected I didn't feel it - I could feel the effects of it - just not the feeling itself.
It is exquisite and at the same time somewhat overwhelming. The Angels have me well in hand though and are supporting me to ease gently into my new way of being. Jesus is walking beside me every step of the way and as I feel the anger, sadness, dissapointment, fear etc I simply ask Him to help me see it another way. It is truly amazing. A Course In Miracles has helped me to learn that.
I have been a student of A Course In Miracles for the last 13 years and at last I think I am beginning to get it. I am being told that I have just passed through the second stage of the learning process... perhaps it is time I started doing my lessons again...
For those who are not familiar with it A Course In Miracles is a text that was received by a woman using inner dictation. The author of the work is Jesus. Some dispute that and it does not matter to me - I know it is true. It is a powerful and profound spiritual text which completely changes they way you think about and experience the world. It consists of three parts; the text; a workbook for students; and a manual for teachers. It is a self study course!
In 13 years I have picked it up and put it down I cannot telll you how many times but it has never been far away from me! I have completed lessons 1 through 55 about 8 times because I start and then stop and when I come back to it I figure I better start at the beginning again... LOL... today I am beginning on lesson 56!
A great book which gives you insight into the principles of A Course In Miracles is called
"The Disappearance Of The Universe" by Garry Renard. It is funny, easy to read and really gives you a good understanding of what the text is about.
The text of ACIM is a bit hard to read at times yet it is so beautiful. I remember like it was yesterday (and it was 13 years ago) the first time I read the following peice of text... I cried for hours it was such a radical way for me to think and yet I knew it was true.
T 4:7 "Your worth is not established by teaching or learning. Your worth is established by God. As long as you dispute this everything you do will be fearful, especially any situation which lends itself to the belief in superiority and inferiority ... Again,- nothing you do or think or wish or make is necessary to establish your worth."
While there are 365 lessons it is not essential they be completed in a year, which is just as well for me! LOL
I used to attend a study group when I first discovered the Course. I would love to begin one here... will look into it once we are moved and settled. Would anyone be interested?
I leave you today with the introduction from A Course In Miracles
INTRODUCTION
1. This is a course in miracles. 2It is a required course. 3Only the time you take it is voluntary. 4Free will does not mean that you can establish the curriculum. 5It means only that you can elect what you want to take at a given time. 6The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. 7It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love's presence, which is your natural inheritance. 8The opposite of love is fear, but what is all-encompassing can have no opposite.
2. This course can therefore be summed up very simply in this way:
2Nothing real can be threatened.
3Nothing unreal exists.
4Herein lies the peace of God.
I knew I was disconnected from my feelings for most of my life, and I knew I was sensitive and wow...
I feel..... constantly..... i feel.
I can no longer watch the news or television programs that I once loved because the violence and anger in them doesn't just upset me it devastates me.
My MIL was telling me yesterday about how they are dealing with the rabbit problem in the retirement village where they live (I love bunny rabbits!) and I almost threw up.
I am being reminded every time I go out of the house to Angelic Light myself because I am picking up on so much stuff.
I always have picked it up - I was just so disconnected I didn't feel it - I could feel the effects of it - just not the feeling itself.
It is exquisite and at the same time somewhat overwhelming. The Angels have me well in hand though and are supporting me to ease gently into my new way of being. Jesus is walking beside me every step of the way and as I feel the anger, sadness, dissapointment, fear etc I simply ask Him to help me see it another way. It is truly amazing. A Course In Miracles has helped me to learn that.
I have been a student of A Course In Miracles for the last 13 years and at last I think I am beginning to get it. I am being told that I have just passed through the second stage of the learning process... perhaps it is time I started doing my lessons again...
For those who are not familiar with it A Course In Miracles is a text that was received by a woman using inner dictation. The author of the work is Jesus. Some dispute that and it does not matter to me - I know it is true. It is a powerful and profound spiritual text which completely changes they way you think about and experience the world. It consists of three parts; the text; a workbook for students; and a manual for teachers. It is a self study course!
In 13 years I have picked it up and put it down I cannot telll you how many times but it has never been far away from me! I have completed lessons 1 through 55 about 8 times because I start and then stop and when I come back to it I figure I better start at the beginning again... LOL... today I am beginning on lesson 56!
A great book which gives you insight into the principles of A Course In Miracles is called
"The Disappearance Of The Universe" by Garry Renard. It is funny, easy to read and really gives you a good understanding of what the text is about.
The text of ACIM is a bit hard to read at times yet it is so beautiful. I remember like it was yesterday (and it was 13 years ago) the first time I read the following peice of text... I cried for hours it was such a radical way for me to think and yet I knew it was true.
T 4:7 "Your worth is not established by teaching or learning. Your worth is established by God. As long as you dispute this everything you do will be fearful, especially any situation which lends itself to the belief in superiority and inferiority ... Again,- nothing you do or think or wish or make is necessary to establish your worth."
While there are 365 lessons it is not essential they be completed in a year, which is just as well for me! LOL
I used to attend a study group when I first discovered the Course. I would love to begin one here... will look into it once we are moved and settled. Would anyone be interested?
I leave you today with the introduction from A Course In Miracles
INTRODUCTION
1. This is a course in miracles. 2It is a required course. 3Only the time you take it is voluntary. 4Free will does not mean that you can establish the curriculum. 5It means only that you can elect what you want to take at a given time. 6The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. 7It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love's presence, which is your natural inheritance. 8The opposite of love is fear, but what is all-encompassing can have no opposite.
2. This course can therefore be summed up very simply in this way:
2Nothing real can be threatened.
3Nothing unreal exists.
4Herein lies the peace of God.
Friday, February 23
The Healing Within
A deep and profound healing is occuring within.
It feels strange.
It feels peaceful.
It is exhausting because I am letting go of so much.
It is fulfilling because I am accepting parts of myself I never have before.
It is a cellular change, deep and profound and blessed.
Last night, during a meeting of like minded souls who come together to meet with a common vision, and have done for 12 months, I was attacked energetically and verbally and was very distraught.
I am a very sensitive soul and safety is so important to me - last night our safe group became unsafe - for a short while...
It happened at the beginning of the meeting and I was so shocked I soldiered on for the next 2 hours through the rest. Once it was over however a wonderful Angel came to chat and I found myself in tears and so upset at what had happened.
This beautiful Angel heard me and saw my pain, she drew our meeting leader into the discussion (which I resisted to begin with) and so began one of the most powerful and profound healing processes I have ever been a part of or witnessed.
Over a period of 20 minutes or so I was seen and heard and validated in ways I have never been before. I experienced the sheer peace of being accepted for EXACTLY who I am, these three beautiful women (a maiden, a mother & a crone!) who held me and loved me SAW ME - the real me that I have always thought no one would notice.
The sensitive me who hurts when other people hurt, who is vulnerable and raw and who genuinely does not know how to defend herself from such viscious attacks. The me who does not understand how people can be so hurtful to each other - how they can be so irresponsible and uncaring. The me who is soft and loving and sees only the good in everyone and everything about her.
These beautiful women pledged to care for me, to honour me and take care of me because they saw my need. Not because I was a victim, but because it is who I am.
They shared with me that for them I represent Love Incarnate. The Blessed Crone shared that the first time we met, she was watching me from behind and felt and saw the presence of God as I interacted with others.
They shared that I am such a powerful guiding light for them as to how to treat others and themselves, how to embody and express love in all situations.
I stood, I cried and I breathed it in and I began to heal.
When I was 21 I declared that my life purpose was "To be the clearest expression of Love that I can be in every moment."
Now I am 37 and I know that I am Love Incarnate and I shall eternally be the clearest expression of Love that I can be in every moment.
Blessed Be.
It feels strange.
It feels peaceful.
It is exhausting because I am letting go of so much.
It is fulfilling because I am accepting parts of myself I never have before.
It is a cellular change, deep and profound and blessed.
Last night, during a meeting of like minded souls who come together to meet with a common vision, and have done for 12 months, I was attacked energetically and verbally and was very distraught.
I am a very sensitive soul and safety is so important to me - last night our safe group became unsafe - for a short while...
It happened at the beginning of the meeting and I was so shocked I soldiered on for the next 2 hours through the rest. Once it was over however a wonderful Angel came to chat and I found myself in tears and so upset at what had happened.
This beautiful Angel heard me and saw my pain, she drew our meeting leader into the discussion (which I resisted to begin with) and so began one of the most powerful and profound healing processes I have ever been a part of or witnessed.
Over a period of 20 minutes or so I was seen and heard and validated in ways I have never been before. I experienced the sheer peace of being accepted for EXACTLY who I am, these three beautiful women (a maiden, a mother & a crone!) who held me and loved me SAW ME - the real me that I have always thought no one would notice.
The sensitive me who hurts when other people hurt, who is vulnerable and raw and who genuinely does not know how to defend herself from such viscious attacks. The me who does not understand how people can be so hurtful to each other - how they can be so irresponsible and uncaring. The me who is soft and loving and sees only the good in everyone and everything about her.
These beautiful women pledged to care for me, to honour me and take care of me because they saw my need. Not because I was a victim, but because it is who I am.
They shared with me that for them I represent Love Incarnate. The Blessed Crone shared that the first time we met, she was watching me from behind and felt and saw the presence of God as I interacted with others.
They shared that I am such a powerful guiding light for them as to how to treat others and themselves, how to embody and express love in all situations.
I stood, I cried and I breathed it in and I began to heal.
When I was 21 I declared that my life purpose was "To be the clearest expression of Love that I can be in every moment."
Now I am 37 and I know that I am Love Incarnate and I shall eternally be the clearest expression of Love that I can be in every moment.
Blessed Be.
Friday, February 9
Saying Goodbye
My Mother and I had a rather tempestuous relationship and we did not speak for the last 12 months of her life.
I knew she was dying - pancreatic cancer - and yet I could not bring myself to step back into the lie and pretend everything was fine just so she could feel better. I just couldn't, so we didn't have any contact, and then she died, 5 years ago this March.
It was really hard for a girl who had always idolised her Mum (me!) to have to say goodbye and to make that choice to keep myself safe. I do not regret it. I did what I needed to do and I lived that part of my life the best I could.
My Mother did not cross over when she passed. She has been earthbound - by her own choice - for the last 5 years (almost). She has been with me for so much of that time and I have had real difficulty in dealing with her. I know she wanted to discuss what had happened and I knew she was looking for my forgiveness but I was not in a place to be able to give her what she needed.
It has been a long journey these last 5 years - many tears and much healing has taken place - and yet I still could not give her what she wanted - I knew I could not give it to her but it wasn't clear what needed to happen.
Her energy has been a huge weight for me to carry for the last 5 years - in truth I have carried my Mother my whole life. She made her presence known in many many ways since her death and several times I had to banish her because I simply could not cope.
A few months ago I called Archangel Michael and asked him to escort her to the light. I did not hang around to watch it happen - I just wanted her gone - and while I told myself she had, I knew deep down she was still around - I had not let her go.
One of the things I did regret after she had died was not knowing who my Mum was before all us kids came along - I really did not know who she was and that made me sad. I wanted to understand and know my Mother as a person - not just as my Mum - yet there was that unforgiveness still present. I wanted to understand what had happened in her life to make her choose what she did...
This morning, as I was getting ready to go to Newcastle and see a friend, I felt I needed to put on Mum's engagement ring and to ask Karen to do a reading of it for me.
I almost chickened out but I was strongly guided to ask her and she kindly agreed.
She is one incredibly gifted, talented and compassionate medium!!!!!
When she held Mum's ring and called her name Mum came storming into the room and Karen told me her energy felt really dense - I said I knew she had not crossed over and Karen confirmed that with the way her energy felt.
Mum did not particularly like being called by Karen and yet she came anyway! I could feel her so strongly in the room. Karen called in AA Michael to support Mum as she was so angry and she instantly melted and cried - she could not fight his energy. We talked for a while and she showed Karen what had happened in her childhood that drove her to make the life choices she did. It made a lot of sense and bought me a sense of peace to know it.
She then asked for my forgiveness, she pleaded with me to tell her what she needed to do for me to forgive her...
I sat, and I breathed, and I knew in that instant there was no need for me to forgive her, she had to forgive herself - it was only that which would set us both free. I told her I wanted her to cross over - I wanted her to heal and I wanted her to be at peace. Karen asked AA Michael to take her to the light and she went willingly cradled in his arms. I felt her go and I cried tears of relief, sadness and joy all mixed in together.
I know she has a difficult journey of healing ahead of her. She has a lot to answer for. I know it is not for me to punish or judge her - I just want her to be free and at peace. There is no more anger, bitterness or hatred in me - only compassion.
Her crossing over has now freed me to move forward with my life and heal.
I love you Mum. Your choices hurt many of us but no-one more than yourself. Allow the wings of Angels to support you and the love of God to heal you. Be at Peace Mum, be at Peace. I love you.
Goodbye,
Your Baby Girl, Karen
I knew she was dying - pancreatic cancer - and yet I could not bring myself to step back into the lie and pretend everything was fine just so she could feel better. I just couldn't, so we didn't have any contact, and then she died, 5 years ago this March.
It was really hard for a girl who had always idolised her Mum (me!) to have to say goodbye and to make that choice to keep myself safe. I do not regret it. I did what I needed to do and I lived that part of my life the best I could.
My Mother did not cross over when she passed. She has been earthbound - by her own choice - for the last 5 years (almost). She has been with me for so much of that time and I have had real difficulty in dealing with her. I know she wanted to discuss what had happened and I knew she was looking for my forgiveness but I was not in a place to be able to give her what she needed.
It has been a long journey these last 5 years - many tears and much healing has taken place - and yet I still could not give her what she wanted - I knew I could not give it to her but it wasn't clear what needed to happen.
Her energy has been a huge weight for me to carry for the last 5 years - in truth I have carried my Mother my whole life. She made her presence known in many many ways since her death and several times I had to banish her because I simply could not cope.
A few months ago I called Archangel Michael and asked him to escort her to the light. I did not hang around to watch it happen - I just wanted her gone - and while I told myself she had, I knew deep down she was still around - I had not let her go.
One of the things I did regret after she had died was not knowing who my Mum was before all us kids came along - I really did not know who she was and that made me sad. I wanted to understand and know my Mother as a person - not just as my Mum - yet there was that unforgiveness still present. I wanted to understand what had happened in her life to make her choose what she did...
This morning, as I was getting ready to go to Newcastle and see a friend, I felt I needed to put on Mum's engagement ring and to ask Karen to do a reading of it for me.
I almost chickened out but I was strongly guided to ask her and she kindly agreed.
She is one incredibly gifted, talented and compassionate medium!!!!!
When she held Mum's ring and called her name Mum came storming into the room and Karen told me her energy felt really dense - I said I knew she had not crossed over and Karen confirmed that with the way her energy felt.
Mum did not particularly like being called by Karen and yet she came anyway! I could feel her so strongly in the room. Karen called in AA Michael to support Mum as she was so angry and she instantly melted and cried - she could not fight his energy. We talked for a while and she showed Karen what had happened in her childhood that drove her to make the life choices she did. It made a lot of sense and bought me a sense of peace to know it.
She then asked for my forgiveness, she pleaded with me to tell her what she needed to do for me to forgive her...
I sat, and I breathed, and I knew in that instant there was no need for me to forgive her, she had to forgive herself - it was only that which would set us both free. I told her I wanted her to cross over - I wanted her to heal and I wanted her to be at peace. Karen asked AA Michael to take her to the light and she went willingly cradled in his arms. I felt her go and I cried tears of relief, sadness and joy all mixed in together.
I know she has a difficult journey of healing ahead of her. She has a lot to answer for. I know it is not for me to punish or judge her - I just want her to be free and at peace. There is no more anger, bitterness or hatred in me - only compassion.
Her crossing over has now freed me to move forward with my life and heal.
I love you Mum. Your choices hurt many of us but no-one more than yourself. Allow the wings of Angels to support you and the love of God to heal you. Be at Peace Mum, be at Peace. I love you.
Goodbye,
Your Baby Girl, Karen
Weeeeeee... hanging on...
I cannot believe it has been over a week since I was last here.
Life is very chaotic at the moment and my promised bits from Wildlt Wealthy will be coming once things settle down a bit more.
We are still looking for a home and offices.
We are still waiting for the purchaser to stop frigging us around and exchange contracts.
I am feeling the latest wave of energy in ways I haven't for YEARS - it has really knocked me sideways!
Sending everyone big hugs,
Karen
Life is very chaotic at the moment and my promised bits from Wildlt Wealthy will be coming once things settle down a bit more.
We are still looking for a home and offices.
We are still waiting for the purchaser to stop frigging us around and exchange contracts.
I am feeling the latest wave of energy in ways I haven't for YEARS - it has really knocked me sideways!
Sending everyone big hugs,
Karen
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