Finding a Home

Today has been a tough day.

It is 24 days until our house is sold and we have to move out and we have not found a new home yet.

We looked at a place today that meets all our criteria but this evening as we are talking about how we would set it up we are arguing... we have never argued about a house before - never!

This one is definately not the right one.

One of my Course review lessons today is "I could see peace instead of this." I am struggling right now with that.

I am feeling like I am settling and surrendering all my visions and dreams.

I want to establish a centre where people come and learn and grow and feel loved.

We were looking for offices in Newcastle but I was talked out of that for now - I can see the sense in it... but...

So then we were looking for a little office space for me in Tea Gardens - bloody nothing here - a few empty shops which have cheap rent but are still a bit too expensive for our budget at this point in time. SO we have been looking for a home with a space for me to have my office there.

I need an office which is mine - my space to work and create and dream - a place to go to work every day and then come 'home' at the end of it and share it with my Beloved.

Tonight Beloved says "I need an office too - I'll share with you."

When I said I hadn't envisaged that, she asked why we couldn't share an office...

I don't really know why not - I can't come up with any solid practical arguement why we couldn't... except I don't want to.

I need a space for me - just mine - it has been so long since I have had that. I don't want to be apart from Beloved - I just need a little space for me.

I have just realised I am feeling really unheard. Like nothing I have said about my vision and dreams for where my business will go and how I plan to grow it and develop it have even been heard. I feel like I am disappearing.

Beloved is so defensive tonight that she probably feels the same way... we are both coming from a place of fear - fear of not getting what we want.

It is a difficult time with so much change and uncertainty - I don't do change all that well and especially don't do uncertainty about my home well - very sensitive home loving Cancerian that I am!

Ah well, we shall get through, tomorrow will be a brighter day and our home is coming to us - please Angels - bring it to us before the end of the week. I don't think I can take much more not knowing.

Here ends the grizzle, thanks for listening.



ACIM, Lesson 57 #5... "My mind is part of God's. I am very holy."