Saying Goodbye

My Mother and I had a rather tempestuous relationship and we did not speak for the last 12 months of her life.

I knew she was dying - pancreatic cancer - and yet I could not bring myself to step back into the lie and pretend everything was fine just so she could feel better. I just couldn't, so we didn't have any contact, and then she died, 5 years ago this March.

It was really hard for a girl who had always idolised her Mum (me!) to have to say goodbye and to make that choice to keep myself safe. I do not regret it. I did what I needed to do and I lived that part of my life the best I could.

My Mother did not cross over when she passed. She has been earthbound - by her own choice - for the last 5 years (almost). She has been with me for so much of that time and I have had real difficulty in dealing with her. I know she wanted to discuss what had happened and I knew she was looking for my forgiveness but I was not in a place to be able to give her what she needed.

It has been a long journey these last 5 years - many tears and much healing has taken place - and yet I still could not give her what she wanted - I knew I could not give it to her but it wasn't clear what needed to happen.

Her energy has been a huge weight for me to carry for the last 5 years - in truth I have carried my Mother my whole life. She made her presence known in many many ways since her death and several times I had to banish her because I simply could not cope.

A few months ago I called Archangel Michael and asked him to escort her to the light. I did not hang around to watch it happen - I just wanted her gone - and while I told myself she had, I knew deep down she was still around - I had not let her go.

One of the things I did regret after she had died was not knowing who my Mum was before all us kids came along - I really did not know who she was and that made me sad. I wanted to understand and know my Mother as a person - not just as my Mum - yet there was that unforgiveness still present. I wanted to understand what had happened in her life to make her choose what she did...

This morning, as I was getting ready to go to Newcastle and see a friend, I felt I needed to put on Mum's engagement ring and to ask Karen to do a reading of it for me.

I almost chickened out but I was strongly guided to ask her and she kindly agreed.

She is one incredibly gifted, talented and compassionate medium!!!!!

When she held Mum's ring and called her name Mum came storming into the room and Karen told me her energy felt really dense - I said I knew she had not crossed over and Karen confirmed that with the way her energy felt.

Mum did not particularly like being called by Karen and yet she came anyway! I could feel her so strongly in the room. Karen called in AA Michael to support Mum as she was so angry and she instantly melted and cried - she could not fight his energy. We talked for a while and she showed Karen what had happened in her childhood that drove her to make the life choices she did. It made a lot of sense and bought me a sense of peace to know it.

She then asked for my forgiveness, she pleaded with me to tell her what she needed to do for me to forgive her...

I sat, and I breathed, and I knew in that instant there was no need for me to forgive her, she had to forgive herself - it was only that which would set us both free. I told her I wanted her to cross over - I wanted her to heal and I wanted her to be at peace. Karen asked AA Michael to take her to the light and she went willingly cradled in his arms. I felt her go and I cried tears of relief, sadness and joy all mixed in together.

I know she has a difficult journey of healing ahead of her. She has a lot to answer for. I know it is not for me to punish or judge her - I just want her to be free and at peace. There is no more anger, bitterness or hatred in me - only compassion.

Her crossing over has now freed me to move forward with my life and heal.

I love you Mum. Your choices hurt many of us but no-one more than yourself. Allow the wings of Angels to support you and the love of God to heal you. Be at Peace Mum, be at Peace. I love you.

Goodbye,

Your Baby Girl, Karen